Lately I've been dealing with intense anxiety attacks and nervousness. At the time, I couldn't figure out what I was freaking out over when I would wake up late at night shaking so hard that it hurt at times. Now, I've always been a little on the nervous side and I still don't enjoy going outside of my little bubble of comfort, but with these attacks I didn't know what was scaring me or what was making me nervous, I would wake up with this feeling of complete dread and that something really bad was about to happen.
My first attack happened about three weeks ago while I was still at my dad's house (my parents are split up and every other weekend I go spend time with my dad. For those who didn't know) and I woke up at 1 in the morning to my brother Bryson's alarm clock going off and right after that the shaking started. At first I thought I was just cold, so I got under another blanket and tried to fall back to sleep. Instead of the shaking stopping it actually got about 10x worst, Almost like someone had me by the shoulders and were shaking me as hard as possible. Finally I got up, still having no idea what was going on, I went and got my self a glass of water and just sat on the couch waiting for whatever this was to past. (my dad really likes gargoyles and dragons. Just so you know and so this next sentence makes a bit more sense) As I'm drinking my water and mentally trying to calm my self down I look up and see all the faces of demons and the devil, and it causes my anxiety to spike, that then causes me to start over thinking everything. When it started to feel like my throat was closing, I called my mom and just asked her to pray over me and help me calm down (though, if you want me to calm down, don't ask me if I need to go to the hospital), after a good ten minutes of just praying, she tells me to go wake up my dad and have him look down my throat just to make sure there's nothing going on (which there wasn't). I continued to shake for more than an hour before I managed to calm down and go to sleep.
The second time this happened was actually last Thursday, while I was at my mom's house.This all by it's self was weird because I've never had a panic attack while I was over here because this is a house of God and I'm always so much more calmer while I'm here. Thursday, however, was different because I didn't even fall asleep before the shaking started. I tried so hard to calm myself down by singing "Jesus Loves Me" and reciting some verses I've learned to use, but nothing was working. My little sister had crawled into bed with me that night, which usually happens when she wakes up and I'm here, so I was trying to stay still so I wouldn't wake her up but the shaking just wouldn't stop. So finally, before it got any worst, I went and got my step dad (I was actually going for my mom but he was already awake) and we sat on the couch while I cried and told him what I was feeling, which I'm incredibly grateful for him for that. This time the shaking didn't last as long, but I was in a lot more pain.
Today, I finally figured out what was causing me to fear so much and it turns out, I'm afraid to see all those demons that live in my dad's house. I'm terrified by the statues and what they represent! I've never said that before in my life, I mean, they were a little on the weird side but other than that I didn't think about them.
I now live at my mom's full time, and I haven't had another attack since, but I'm still a little wary of it happening when I least expect it. If you guys could pray for me to calm down and fully believe that no matter what, God is there with me and he won't leave alone even when I feel like I am.
1 John 4:18
There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.
God bless
Tori
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- Stained Glass Butterflies
- Hello people! Welcome to my blog! My name is Tori and I don't actually write anything on here, it's all video. This is the place that I talk about what's going on in my life and gives me a way to vent :) I hope you stick around and enjoy :)
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5 comments:
For I am the Lord, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you. (Isaiah 41:13)
As a small children I taught them this scripture for it is one that I feel would scoop them up to the place of peace when thrown into a frightful experience, place or among dreadful people: 2 Timothy 1:7"For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love and of a sound mind."
Your scripture John 4:18 and Renee's Isaiah 41:13 are both excellent scriptures also:
Blessings to you Tori
Oh Tori, I am sorry. Anxiety attacks are so hard to conquer some times. I am thankful you are living with your mom full time now. Your Lord will protect you. I am praying and asking Him to put a shield and hedge of protection around you. The enemy cannot torment you!
oh, stay close to God's Word! that is the only thing that will bring you through. my fav chapter is Isaiah 43. Hugs! and thanks for linking up to the party!
Hello. Found you through the blog party and just noticed this post.
I wanted to let you know that you aren't the only one who struggles with anxiety and panic attacks. I've always struggled with worry, but when I was about sixteen I would start to have attacks at night that left me shaking, crying and feeling terrified. Like you, I'd be in pain. My stomach would hurt, I'd feel light headed and my pulse would be high. Another simularity- the mentioning of going to the hospital made things worst for me as well.
I'm sure different things work for different people- I'd try my best to focus on something else. I would listen to music, pray, read my Bible, and recite scripture. I'd try so hard to see through the fear to the knowledge that everything WOULD BE ALRIGHT, no matter what my panic was telling me. God would take care of me.
As I got older the attacks would still come, but not nearly as often. I'd grown stronger spiritually and if the fear did come around I'd close my eyes to it and focus only on my Jesus.
If you find yourself looking at the terrors (like Peter looked at the waves when he was walking on the water to Jesus) you'll find yourself sinking. Keep your eyes on Him. Doing so has never steered me wrong.
Joni
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